Turn the page, but don't forget . . .

My grandmother passed away this week... It wasn't completely "unexpected," her health had been failing for the past year or more. But even when you think you're prepared for the loss of a loved one, it still leaves a void.

To be completely honest, I was surprised by how empty I felt when my mother called and gave me the news. I mean, I felt terrible for my mother and her siblings; I can't imagine how difficult it is losing your parents - at any age... But I guess I assumed that I wouldn't be too affected by Grandma's passing, and yet the longer I thought about it the more unsettled I felt.

I tried to think back on all of the good times that I shared with my grandmother, and with each of my grandparents...

I never realized how fragile and fleeting our memories become when we don't use them.

I tried to think about camping trips and playing at the pond with cousins... About Florida vacations and family reunions... But the memories were like ghosts; real - but very faint - and impossible to grab hold of. They intersected with one another, all running together, shifting quickly from one event to the next - with no concern for time or chronological order...

I've just finished reading Donald Miller's, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and I've come to the conclusion that all of our lives are stories. Each of us is the main character in our own story, and we have been given the opportunity, by God, to live an epic adventure - or to live a cheap novel...

From what I know about my grandmother, she lived a good story. Now that she's gone, however, I wish I would've realized how important her role was in MY story. And even though it's a little late, I'm trying to honor her by striving to recall the memories, and to learn some of the life lessons she tried to teach me... And I'm trying to recapture some of the incredible joy I felt on those Summer days when we would visit the old homestead... And I'm trying to remember what her homemade spaghetti sauce (with wild leeks) tasted like...

It's difficult...

As grandma leaves this earth, her passing brings a chapter of my life to a close. She was my last living grandparent, and it feels like a part of me is gone now too...

But I think I know what she would want from me... So as I say goodbye to grandma this weekend, I'll say a prayer and make her a promise - that as I turn the page, not only will I live a better story - every day... but I'll never forget all of the amazing things that happened in the previous chapter as well. Thanks Grandma - I love you...